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Feelings kind of suck sometimes

I was taught to swallow my emotions, and it seems that I learned rather well. Once I was on my own, the first time I faced a really difficult situation – the death of my childhood girlfriend – instead of feeling the horror of that, I went numb with anxiety. That’s the first time I went to therapy. Years later, and not so wobbly anymore, in my quest to evolve into the strongest, most joyful person that I could be, I decided to stay with self-introspection. Most times, my therapist, I call her Shells, laughs at my frequent exasperation with […]

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I used to be so nice

And Demur. Submissive. A Follower. What happened? Life created an animal in me. I am second generation Italian. It’s in the genes and also in the unwritten manual that females should forever behave as children: something to be seen and not heard. God forbid the poor girl who feels her opinion matters! In comes the old adage: Males who do are viewed as strong and intelligent, and females as aggressive and arrogant. I went along with those unspoken rules until I became a woman and found that being nice still got me a slap upside the head! First, from my […]

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On being nuerotic

Is there an AA meeting for neurotic people? Everyone has issues. Overcoming them is made more difficult because we have been led to believe that STRONG people DON’T have any! Yet believing that nonsense hinders us from evolving to where we want to be. So…I’m going first! I am risking putting myself out there for all to make fun of – showing the world how I am a chickenshit at heart – but how I am also forcing myself to overcome the inadequacies that get in my way. An embarrassing fact about me: I will wait for an elevator to […]

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