Tina by Pencil (The Video Version)
Where Community Meets Family
I’ve been referring to the Big Blow ever since it occurred in September of 2020. That heartbreak and confusion is told in an article that I’m trying to place in a major media journal. And it’s important that I do, because what happened to me is happening to millions of others around the globe.
The essay is not a tell-all, just the story of how that situation affected me and why I think the phenomenon is so prevalent today. For now, please know the Blow was a shocking descent into hell. It hit me in the chest and felled me, the repercussions of which are still reverberating in my body and in my soul.
It is the most profound betrayal and heartache that I’ve ever experienced.
In fact, I didn’t know it was possible to feel such emotional pain.
Thank God for Hawaii—for the land (aina), the ancestors and the home where I housesit—or I would’ve never come as far as I have in healing this wound.
And I mean that with every fiber of my being.
I am in touch with a great many other people who have experienced the same horror as me, and some of them can’t even get out of bed.
Luckily, my personality does not allow me to give in or give up.
That said, the impact left me scattered, and not only did my emotional health suffer, but my physical health took a hit as well. I’ve sustained two major injuries that are directly related to it.
In 2023, I was so lost in my head that I tripped over the leg of my coffee table and landed hard on my arm. I’ve been trying to regain full mobility in my shoulder ever since. Last October 2025, I asked a new chiropractor about treating the injury with laser therapy. He didn’t. Instead, he gave me a weird adjustment and moved my arm way beyond its mobility-mark, resulting in a fractured vertebrae. Everyone says I should sue him. But early on when the pain was blinding, I’m pretty sure I promised God that I wouldn’t sue if I fully recovered, and I’m not going back on my word.
It’s been a hell of a five years.
Still, I always try to look for the good that can be teased from the bad.
This is where a community of family comes into play.
I am beyond grateful for friends who understand that we are all connected, because situations like this can make you feel very alone.
The attached video shines a light on one of those people—my friend Tina.
Just like everyone that I have great affection for, I call her by a different name. As such, Tina is Little Teense. I’ve known her since 2005, which is two years before Funk was mayor. I lost most of my Kansas City friends from helping my husband serve the public, but not Teense. She didn’t fall for the made-up news scandals. And our relationship has only grown stronger over the years, especially after I returned to the Midwest to release my first book.
Regarding the Big Blow.
Tina is one of the rare few who never grew tired of listening to my devastation and confusion, nor did she back away whenever I lost hope in trying to physically recover.
Instead of checking out, she stepped closer.
Aware that the people I used to talk with each day had either passed on or withdrawn from my life, Tina has filled that lonely void by calling most days and texting when she can’t.
Last June 2025, before my back was injured, she took it a step further and visited me.
Tina is a health and fitness guru, and to date, she is the only practitioner to notice that I was afraid of moving my body. I hadn’t noticed that about myself, which is why, after she left, I was trying to reclaim the full use of my arm at the new chiropractor’s office.
But while she was here, we ate up the miles so I could show her my childhood haunts.
The video shows her standing near “The Pencil” at Jones Beach. Teense is so funny. Before this moment, it had been a very long time since I laughed like I used to. I’ll love her forever for coaxing that out of me, and for being as spiritually inclined as she is. Which is another blessing. She can hold her own on existential matters without me having to explain myself. She just gets it. And what a relief that is.
I haven’t come across many other people who are as generous and true to their faith as Tina has been towards me.
In the face of the Big Blow, she didn’t run. She didn’t ignore. She didn’t stay safely on the sidelines. Nor did she let 1,500 miles stop her from coming to hold my hand. Tina has been all in. Despite my immeasurable sorrow and constant why-questions, she didn’t let me forget who I am or what love looks like.
Here’s to you! if you also have a friend who behaves like a sister. I have an idealistic view of family, and in my world, it includes friends and neighbors. May you never have need of a friend like Tina. But if you do, I pray she has the same capacity to be present in the breathe of your despair.
The Video. Teense at the Pencil, Jones Beach, Long Island. Of course, we parked in the lot for Field No 4, which is the beach I grew up on. Then, as custom dictates, to hear the echo, we made a bunch of noise as we walked through the tunnel, after which, we hightailed it across the boardwalk and out onto the sand. It’s quite a hike to get from the parking lot to the shore. Since it was freezing cold when we exited the car, we didn’t pack in our bathing suits or chairs. However, once we were on the beach it was boiling h