SUBJECT: Go away MESSAGE: Go back where you came from. You’ve done enough damage here. I received that email from a woman. A person I’d never met. Who has never locked eyes with mine. Who I bet feels she is well-informed. Her message came on the eve of my book signing in Kansas City, no doubt after she’d seen me interviewed on local TV. Words have impact. The negativity and hatred in her email—directed at me, a person she’d never met—came through loud and clear. Still, compared to the emails I received when my husband was mayor, hers was mild. […]

Anxiety. A ferocious emotion. I lived with it for years. My first bout came in my early twenties and was nearly incapacitating. It’s what drove me to therapy. And while I was cured of the worst of it, generalized anxiety remained. That was no picnic either. I wasn’t as bad off as before, but my world WAS getting smaller and smaller as I tried controlling all the things that made me anxious. In time, I stopped flying. Became terrified of getting sick. Was leery of venturing far home. Of course, with me being me, I couldn’t just be content to […]

Eww. In Florida, at 9:13 pm, while innocently reading my book after a long day of visiting my mother, some 90-year old couple in the apartment above me started making a racket. At first, the noise was no different than all the other times they’d disrupted my peace—it’s like they walk across their bedroom in high heels. But then the noise changed. Went from clomp-clomp-clomp to a quick succession of rat-a-tat-tats, followed by some pretty intense moaning. Realization dawned. And when it did, I went from mildly irritated to completely repulsed. But then came wonder. Because I’m telling you, with […]

Stuck. That’s my takeaway whenever people tell me why they CAN’T do something they have a deep yearning for. I’ve been anxious for two thirds of my life, but I’ve never been a quitter. In fact, Funk says the worst thing someone can tell me is that I “can’t” do something, as it’s the surest way that I will. This month, my book hit #1 on Amazon in the US, Canada and Australia. I started the draft on a ship to England. Had I let logistics stand in the way of reaching for my dream of going abroad with my […]

“If I had a mother like me, think what I could have become!” That’s what I say to my children, now that they’re adults. It’s usually precipitated by me trying to impart loving, wise advice that would change their lives for the better, yet ungrateful beasts that they are, they usually just roll their eyes at me. But that doesn’t make my words not true. I often wonder how my life would be different if I’d had more than just my basic needs met as a child. If someone had whispered the nightmares away. Was thrilled by my essence. Had […]

“I have phone sex every Tuesday.” That’s what I reply in exasperation to Funk and the kids whenever they text me just before I’m about to get on a call with my therapist. I’ve been going to Shelly, or Shells, as I call her, since 2005. The precipitating factor with that go round with therapy was that my “girlfriend” of fourteen years dumped me without explanation, and that my daughter—selfish thing that she was—left me for a yearlong study abroad program in France. I didn’t realize I was undergoing a mini-crisis until my personal trainer, Teense, brought it to my […]

“Funk. This really sucks.” When I was pregnant with my firstborn, that’s what I used to grumble to my husband about having to get up every hour in the middle of the night to use the restroom. In his usual uncaring manner, Funk responded that I should buy some Depends. The next time we were at the grocery, I walked past them and excitedly said, “Hey Funk, look, they have those Depends here!” and then tossed a box in the cart. For an auditor, my husband is SOOOOO gullible. His eyes got big and scared, thinking I was serious. It […]

I landed a BookBub Featured Deal, which is a really big deal. It’s like hitting the motherlode. I can hardly believe my luck. BookBub is considered the most prestigious book connector site out there, and winning a spot in their coveted newsletter is highly competitive. Debut authors get significant exposure and readers get significant deals. To celebrate, the eBook version of my book will be on sale for five days, beginning Sunday, September 15. If you’re anything like me—if you enjoy watching other people’s pain—then you’ll probably enjoy the read. It’s an inside look at how this girl was an […]

“Funk. Why do I have to use an asterisk when I write the word f*ck?” “Because it’s cute.” “It’s not cute, it’s totally phony.” My husband gave me the look that our dead dog, Ginny-dog, used to give me whenever she didn’t know how to respond, so I let it go. And I think the Heavens rewarded my restraint because I soon came upon a study regarding the use of cursing. Before I get to that, let me tell you about my mother. She’s ninety-three, and I bet you anything she can out-curse anyone on Facebook. You’d never know it […]

Conversations that matter. I had a friend once. Or, I thought I had a friend. We met in childbirth class. It was her first pregnancy, my second. Both of us being young mothers in a new city, we soon became inseparable. I am a homebody and she was a coming-over-body. Since I was more comfortable gathering in my home and she didn’t like anyone in hers, the synergy of us worked out great. Three or four times a week, we’d pass the monotonous days of raising little ones together, making life brighter for each other. We’d laugh. B*tch about our […]