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Stick with me babe and you’ll be farting through silk, Funk-The-Janitor, Part 3

Funk-The-Janitor, Part 3 “Stick with me babe and you’ll be farting through silk.” If someone had given me a heads-up way back when that I’d be devoting my life to my husband (Funk), I would have run the other way while I still had the chance. It’s been forty-six years since those all-too-sincere words were spoken, and instead of returning to my own dreams full time, I’m still immersed in his, silk nowhere in my foreseeable future. The other week I was an anxious mess. My desk was piled high with tasks that should’ve been completed months ago. I still […]

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C’mon Funk eBook FREE on Amazon!

*There are two upcoming Amazon dates to get a FREE copy of my latest eBook—Please See Details Below! For now, the latest post. WTF is with this pandemic? I wrote the last line of the newly released “C’mon Funk, Move Your —: How a Demure Little Wife Made Her Husband a Big City Mayor” at 6:24 p.m. on June 24, 2016, in Long Beach, New York. The manuscript weighed in at a whopping 1,102 pages. I expected to publish this 2nd volume in the 3-book “C’mon Funk Trilogy” in the spring of 2020. I was late getting it out the […]

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Funk-The-Janitor, Part Two

Funk-The-Janitor, Part 2 Sometime during the 500-mile trip back to Nashville from our wedding that took place in West Virginia, I turned in my seat and asked my husband-of-two-days, “Does this mean I can’t have fun anymore?” Funk, nine years my senior, had been with dozens of women before he met me, and while I’d been no nun, he was the only person I’d ever been with in that most intimate way. At the time, I thought myself incredibly virtuous for keeping myself pure, but I panicked the instant I said “I Do.” My husband is the only person I […]

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See Beyond Magazine & Talks! I Bought A Gun Once

  My third month being a regular contributing writer with See Beyond Magazine & Talks! So grateful to them for the opportunity to have my writing reach a broader audience. This month’s article is about me buying a gun directly after 9-11! The story My begins on page 24. https://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/2536957?__r=640293&s=w #AuraImbarus #stefanieelwood #graycemccormick #MagCloud

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It’s nice to feel safe, protected and loved as if I were a child.

My twice-yearly trek to The Bronx to visit my maternal grandparent’s gravesite and my mother’s favorite aunt, relations I’ve never met in the flesh. The cemetery is 400 acres of beauty, with green rolling hills and huge rock outcroppings. There’s a gorgeous pine tree close to my grandparent’s grave, and an enormous tree by my great aunt’s burial site, both are as healthy as can be. I would’ve never thought a cemetery could be peaceful, but at 64, it’s nice to feel safe, protected and loved as if I were a child. I never want to leave. The Photo: The […]

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Funk-The Janitor, Part 1

Funk-the-Janitor, Part 1 I grew up in a really weird house. I came into this world knowing things. I don’t know how I knew, only that I did. This didn’t go over so well in my New York Italian home. Girls in my family didn’t get to have a voice, and they certainly didn’t “know” things. Only special people knew things. Special, meaning males. My parents believed ghosts could control people. On the one hand, the idea of ghosts terrified them, but on the other, they revered people who could see them. My Uncle Carl was one of those people. […]

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Broken heart don’t feel so bad. Ain’t got half a what you thought you had

Broken heart don’t feel so bad. Ain’t got half a what you thought you had —The Grateful Dead said that. I went to Hawaii last year to tend a broken heart that never in a million years did I see coming. The experience was so devastating that I dissociated from myself. I needed to be with people more than ever, but to reclaim my life, I isolated myself on the Big Island for three months instead. Being alone with that pain, not knowing if I would surmount it or not, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Still, […]

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From out of the most horrible things, beautiful things arise.

Finally, finally! After years of writing and editing, Book 2 in the “C’mon Funk Series” released today! The following is an excerpt from the Acknowledgements: WTF is with this pandemic?! I began writing “C’mon Funk Move Your Ass” in 2006 on a ship called The Queen Mary II, and I wrote the last line at 6:24 p.m. on June 24, 2016, in Long Beach, New York. The manuscript weighed in at a whopping 1,102 pages. I expected to publish it in the spring of 2020. I’m late getting it out the door because, for me, the pandemic began in 2016 […]

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I bought a little cabin in the woods on a credit card once

I bought a little cabin in the woods on a credit card once. We were living in Kansas City, and I wanted my kids to experience nature. For weekends on end, we loaded groaning children into the van to look at parcels I’d found on the Internet. It took a year, but we eventually found 7 acres with a little cabin on it. Since the property was surrounded by 1000s of acres of forested land and priced at 42k, we pounced on it. I thought I had everything tied up in a neat little bow when the realtor called to […]

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