I went to Hawaii last year to tend a broken heart that never in a million years did I see coming. The experience was so devastating that I dissociated from myself. I needed to be with people more than ever, but to reclaim my life, I isolated myself on the Big Island for three months instead. Being alone with that pain, not knowing if I would surmount it or not, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Still, to create a new iteration of a beautiful life for myself, I did what needed to be done.
Following the guidance of a spiritual counselor, any spare moment I had, I sat under a tree and prayed, meditated, and tried connecting with Spirit. Before long, I felt the presence of ancestors in the cove beside me. A few days later, I sensed what I believe was their leader standing before me. It seemed like he was checking me out. Trying to understand what this weird chick was doing on his land, mostly, to ascertain if I was a danger or not.
At this point, I could care less what anyone thought of me, so I dismissed the entire “scene” and just kept trying to find a way back to myself as instructed.
One day, I was sitting under the tree praying like a madwoman when I felt a small rumble beneath my feet. Now, that sensation, I did care about. It seemed my prayers were being responded to and it scared the crap out me!
Those ancestors weren’t the only ones who took note of me.
To heal, I also immersed myself in the ocean for an hour each day. I didn’t swim, I just waded and prayed. Eventually, I felt compelled to squat down as low as I could go and then shoot back up out of the sea, only to land sitting on the ocean floor to look at the gorgeous colors of the water. Wearing myself out with this task one day, I just stood in the surf and gazed at the beautiful cliff to my right. That’s when I noticed a turtle’s head and neck rise from the depths of the water and turn his head to take a good look at me. He, too, was trying to figure out what this crazy lady was doing in his territory. I know this because he came up again for a second look and I could almost feel him thinking it.
Before I was aware that I was indeed healing, I was awakened one night by the sound of wood creaking. It was the same creaky sound a ship makes when sailing over rough seas. When I came to full consciousness, I noticed my bed was jumping off the floor. This went on for a minute or so, and shockingly, it didn’t scare me. I wondered if it was an earthquake, and once the shaking stopped, I just went back to sleep. The next morning, I searched the internet, and sure enough, the Big Island had experienced a 4.7 magnitude earthquake the night before.
So, was the rumbling beneath my feet Spirit responding that it heard my prayers, or did I just notice the earthquake beginning to brew?
No matter. Either way, it was a wonder and honor to experience.
Here’s to you if you also love experiencing big-nature. If life throws you curveballs and the Universe lets you know that its got you. The Grateful Dead lyrics above have more meaning to me today than they did 50 years ago, because once you recognize that you never had what you thought you had, the sting of the loss dissipates, and that’s when healing takes place.
The Photo: Spirit always sends reassuring signs, you just gotta notice them. And trust.