Flight number 4 complete, I made it home.
Thank you for rooting me on! Your encouragement helped me undo a 20-year fear of flying. I had xanax with me, but I ended up not using it. Not that there’s anything wrong with medication, it’s just for me, I wanted to know that I did it myself, even if not as gracefully as I had hoped for.
I’m changing my definition of success though. Before, I felt success meant that I’d fly without being nervous. Now, it’s that I can fly without going over the edge of panic. With that new outlook, it means I succeeded! (Hey, I’ll take whatever crumbs I can get, even manufactured ones.)
Speaking of crumbs. A greatly unexpected by-product of my experience is that my children are proud of me for facing such a big obstacle. I don’t hardly get that. Not when you consider the obstacles I faced every time I stepped inside my local grocery store in Kansas City a few years back. There, I was met with certain stares from other shoppers. Most of whom I could tell had all sorts of tapes running through their heads about me – a stranger – tapes they took for truth, and all because they’d read it in the newspaper! Looking back, those eyes almost seem harder to face down than my fear of flying was.
Whatever. I’ve crafted a new definition of success for myself, and I’ll bask in any glow that my children bring me.
*The photograph is from Hawaii – my sister’s love shining down from her new home in the heavens*