Squeeze your boobies.
Believe it or not, I learned the importance of making that a daily practice at a sweat lodge.
To say that I wasn’t terrified of participating in a sweat would be like saying that I don’t hate Funk sometimes. Okay, lots of times. Lots and lots of times! But I went anyway, and that’s what I learned—to squeeze my boobs.
Other cultures understand the importance of preventative medicine, of viewing food as medicine, the notion that what you practice today you’ll be living out in your 90s. Meaning, if you choose a vegetable over ice cream enough times, you’ll ENJOY BEING 90, not just MAKE IT to 90.
So, back to the boobies.
The convener of the sweat said that you can ward off breast cancer by squeezing them babies every day. Because like other things that rot, your boobs can stagnate with underuse.
It kind of makes sense.
Think back to when Americans lived mostly off the land. There was a whole lot of procreating going on then, as more hands meant a better chance at prosperity. There was also a whole lot of nursing going on, as the only way to feed an infant was at the breast.
I know it sounds weird, but what can it hurt?
Ever since I went to that sweat, I’ve been squeezing my boobs like it’s my job. If you can’t picture how to do it, just recall the worst date you’ve ever been on, and squeeze ‘em like that.
Here’s to you if you’re a strong, independent woman who is taking matters into her own hands. And here’s to you if you’re a man who knows the difference between romancing your woman and acting like it’s a job.